Teenagers are a strange species. They’re not kids anymore, but full brain development is still a decade off into the misty future. They’re suddenly in need of socializing, but turned off by the innocent gatherings from just a few years prior. Childhood friends are morphing into unrecognizable forms, with new interests and mannerisms that range from vexing to maddening, once-cherished relationships fading into an amorphous, eternal abyss. Visits from relatives that once summoned joy and anticipation now impose the crushing weight of angst and irritation. Questions, questions, the same old unanswerable questions… No, I haven’t picked a career path yet – I’m fourteen. Duh. Peace and contentment lost, seemingly never to be rediscovered. As parents, we watch in horror, but are resigned to the knowledge that everyone crosses this Rubicon. What is a parent to do? Sometimes the answer is to do what they ask: Just leave them alone.
People and plants need space -- space to be themselves, space to be comfortable, space to grow, space to learn, space to discover their calling, space to contribute, space to follow an arc of life. But humans are meddlers. We have deep, entrenched instincts to react rather than observe, or even disregard. We want to help. As parents, we want to make things better. It is painful to see our kids struggle. We want to believe that we have the superpower of casting peace and tranquility bubbles wherever conflict might arise. But we fail to apprehend the reality lurking below, to wit: even if such a superpower existed, we would be foolish to use it, except in the most extreme situations. Life is a team sport, but the players in all sports must be prepared to play. They must practice to develop the individual skills needed to grow, contribute and compete. Such practice cannot be outsourced; allowing a player to defer is no favor. It is a lonely and essential part of any game, including the one we call life. We need to develop as individuals so that we can contribute our best to whatever teams we join.
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